I have been afraid for years that I have either Asperger's syndrome or a form of autism. Well, "afraid" is a loose term for it.
When I first thought, maybe, I wouldn't accept it. After watching the movie Adam, I was terrified of having something wrong with me, and it still bothers me some. Then, I made a friend (who's name, strangely, is also Adam), and he has Asperger's. Now, I've come to accept the fact that it may not be a bad thing (plus, if it is true, I was born with it. Nothing has changed for me). People with Asperger's, or "Aspies," as they're called, are usually extra intelligent, specializing in one area (for me, that's language). I think I am an Aspie, but there are varying degrees of this syndrome. Some don't experience as many side affects as others.
I believe I have this syndrome because of the strange... things I do. Or have been told that I do anyway. Apparently, I take things completely literally (if you didn't mean it, why say it?), make noises in my throat or with my nose (these, I sometimes notice, and I hate when people point them out), am bothered my sounds like whistling (whistling. It's demonic music), and "stim," as it's called. The noises I make are also a part of this, and stimming is just... something autistic people do. Funny repetitive movements (you've seen the rocking on television, but there are many other kinds), noises, anything with a pattern or mentally stimulating. I also have problems related to OCD, and mental disorders tend to go together.
My problem now is that I have never been tested. I've taken the online tests and made high scores, but those are just for fun really. I want to see a psychiatrist so that I can finally now for sure whether I am an Aspie or not. The problem is money and of course... asking my parents. I know they would understand (my dad is very like me, so he may have it too), but I don't want to ask. It's hard to explain.
Until I've been tested, I don't want to call myself an Aspie or autistic. Here's my reasoning:
Has anyone ever told you that he or she had ADD or ADHD? Did you believer him or her? I give the benefit of the doubt, but I probably would not believe that person.
If we degrade the term "autistic," no one will believe them either. We'll have perfectly normal kids being treated for something they don't have while suffering children are being ignored and feeling very out of place (believe me, it's hard to understand why the world doesn't work the way you do).
I think I have Asperger's syndrome. But I refuse to say it for sure until I am tested because I wish to show respect to people who truly have problems.
Check out these to understand what parents or autistic kids deal with every day:
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